Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
V-Day
No. Not "victory day". Although, if a guy makes it through the day without raising the ire of his woman, or a girl is able to get 'THE guy" to give her a valentines day gift, it sure might feel that way. I'm not really sure who decided to make the anniversary of a man's beheading a holiday involving love, lust, flowers and a LOT of chocolate-- but I vote to put them up against the wall first when the revolution comes.
Mostly Valentines Day is just a bunch of pressure. Everyone has different expectations. All of which is based on a laundry list of criteria that can (and has) driven the more literal minded insane. First things to consider- how far (intense, serious, intimate) is this relationship? Or, is there even any relationship? Would you like there to be? Then there is- what is your significant other/wanna be significant/just close friends/just friends/booty call's expectations regarding this holiday? Are they romantic? Not at all romantic? Just a little romantic? Do they like flowers? Are they allergic? Dinner? Movie? Chocolate? Do I need to get creative? Spa day? Or would just sex work? Are we even at the sex stage? Would I like to be? Can I use this day to get there? What do I want anyway??
Holy cow. Is it any wonder many people just break up for the duration of this "holiday". Who needs this sort of pressure?
While we're at it, lets be totally honest here. Most of the aforementioned pressure falls on the guys. When faced with such a colossal amount of it, the majority of guys do one of two things: 1) Fold. They err on the side of caution and do nothing. WARNING: HUGE HUGE MISTAKE!!! 2) They go completely overboard leading the day to feel like a marathon of appointment meeting set inside a florist's shop. Do not have the spa treatment followed by the, jewelry gift, dinner, box of chocolates, theatre, carriage ride, couple dozen roses, marriage proposal (more jewelry.. okay.. parts aren't bad), followed by.. ALRIGHT, so my point is, do NOT try to cram every single Valentine's Day cliche into ONE evening (or even the entire day). First of all it's exhausting. Second of all, unless your girl has one massive sweet tooth, your saccharine attempts at romance are going to leave her feeling faintly nauseated. On top of that, flowers only die anyway. One can be pressed to remember the day by. A dozen dead roses is just ugly.
So.. absolutely for free.. here's a little tip. KEEP IT SIMPLE. A single long stem red rose. (yellow, if you're just getting started). Maybe a small box of chocolates, or if she's diabetic, a small gift of jewelry. (note: I did NOT say cheap) Hey, if she really likes romance and you know it, do both. The secret here is to go all Tooth Fairy on her.. and by that I don't mean dressing up your hairy self in a tutu... I mean, make it a SURPRISE. Get her when she least expects it. Leave a rose somewhere unexpected.. like maybe on her pillow. You might have to be a little more obvious with the jewelry and chocolate. It'd really suck if that diamond bracelet wasn't found until the next time you defrosted the freezer. (Ice on ice.. how nice. sorry, I couldn't resist) Oh yeah, another word to the wise- do not, I repeat, do NOT buy her an electrical appliance for Valentines Day. For the kitchen, I mean. What you do in the bedroom is your business. That is, if you're to that stage.
Mostly Valentines Day is just a bunch of pressure. Everyone has different expectations. All of which is based on a laundry list of criteria that can (and has) driven the more literal minded insane. First things to consider- how far (intense, serious, intimate) is this relationship? Or, is there even any relationship? Would you like there to be? Then there is- what is your significant other/wanna be significant/just close friends/just friends/booty call's expectations regarding this holiday? Are they romantic? Not at all romantic? Just a little romantic? Do they like flowers? Are they allergic? Dinner? Movie? Chocolate? Do I need to get creative? Spa day? Or would just sex work? Are we even at the sex stage? Would I like to be? Can I use this day to get there? What do I want anyway??
Holy cow. Is it any wonder many people just break up for the duration of this "holiday". Who needs this sort of pressure?
While we're at it, lets be totally honest here. Most of the aforementioned pressure falls on the guys. When faced with such a colossal amount of it, the majority of guys do one of two things: 1) Fold. They err on the side of caution and do nothing. WARNING: HUGE HUGE MISTAKE!!! 2) They go completely overboard leading the day to feel like a marathon of appointment meeting set inside a florist's shop. Do not have the spa treatment followed by the, jewelry gift, dinner, box of chocolates, theatre, carriage ride, couple dozen roses, marriage proposal (more jewelry.. okay.. parts aren't bad), followed by.. ALRIGHT, so my point is, do NOT try to cram every single Valentine's Day cliche into ONE evening (or even the entire day). First of all it's exhausting. Second of all, unless your girl has one massive sweet tooth, your saccharine attempts at romance are going to leave her feeling faintly nauseated. On top of that, flowers only die anyway. One can be pressed to remember the day by. A dozen dead roses is just ugly.
So.. absolutely for free.. here's a little tip. KEEP IT SIMPLE. A single long stem red rose. (yellow, if you're just getting started). Maybe a small box of chocolates, or if she's diabetic, a small gift of jewelry. (note: I did NOT say cheap) Hey, if she really likes romance and you know it, do both. The secret here is to go all Tooth Fairy on her.. and by that I don't mean dressing up your hairy self in a tutu... I mean, make it a SURPRISE. Get her when she least expects it. Leave a rose somewhere unexpected.. like maybe on her pillow. You might have to be a little more obvious with the jewelry and chocolate. It'd really suck if that diamond bracelet wasn't found until the next time you defrosted the freezer. (Ice on ice.. how nice. sorry, I couldn't resist) Oh yeah, another word to the wise- do not, I repeat, do NOT buy her an electrical appliance for Valentines Day. For the kitchen, I mean. What you do in the bedroom is your business. That is, if you're to that stage.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Brrrr....
It's been a very cold January. Freakin' cold. It's hard to work the horses. Heck it's pretty much impossible. Not only do you worry about their lungs, and getting them sweaty (thereby potentially inviting a cold), but they don't want to be out there any more than I do. The ground in the indoor is close to frozen- that means it's dusty (all the moisture in the dirt has crystallized), and paradoxically all the rocks rise to the surface. Ain't that fun to step on, if you're a horse?
It's not just working the horses I have a hard time with. I even have a hard time turning them out. The walk up and down the lane, to and from the paddocks is long, grueling, and the snow squeaks. Yes, I said squeaks. Have you ever heard squeaky snow? If not, I hope you never do. Squeaky snow means it is DAMN cold. Due to the cold, my little hooligans get turned out alone. Skin splits easy in this weather. That, in turn means more trips to and from the paddocks. NOT. The more lackadaisical of my ponies get turned out in the indoor. They probably get the better end of it. It might be dusty, but it doesn't squeak. Still, that is not the worst of it. The reason that I really hate turning the horses out right now? By the time I'm done my ass is frozen. I don't mean that metaphorically either. My feet are fine. My hands are pretty numb, but otherwise okay. My ass, on the other hand (so to speak), is absolutely frozen. It's so cold it feels like it's on fire. Why? Because it's my furthest appendage. You could say that my assets are frozen. *groan*.... even I realize that was bad. Excuse me, but my brain is frozen as well.
It's not just working the horses I have a hard time with. I even have a hard time turning them out. The walk up and down the lane, to and from the paddocks is long, grueling, and the snow squeaks. Yes, I said squeaks. Have you ever heard squeaky snow? If not, I hope you never do. Squeaky snow means it is DAMN cold. Due to the cold, my little hooligans get turned out alone. Skin splits easy in this weather. That, in turn means more trips to and from the paddocks. NOT. The more lackadaisical of my ponies get turned out in the indoor. They probably get the better end of it. It might be dusty, but it doesn't squeak. Still, that is not the worst of it. The reason that I really hate turning the horses out right now? By the time I'm done my ass is frozen. I don't mean that metaphorically either. My feet are fine. My hands are pretty numb, but otherwise okay. My ass, on the other hand (so to speak), is absolutely frozen. It's so cold it feels like it's on fire. Why? Because it's my furthest appendage. You could say that my assets are frozen. *groan*.... even I realize that was bad. Excuse me, but my brain is frozen as well.
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